Bellydancing (Level II)

published by Eric Mill on

I am unsure of how to deal with many things in my life right now. I'm even more unsure of how they will pan out in the end. Some of this is too personal for a public journal, but some is not.

First of all, I've tried out for Guerilla Improv, despite some ambivalence, which is part genuine and part intense fear and lack of self-confidence masquerading as uncertainty. I just don't think I'm good enough, and I worry that if I am accepted the first term will be a term of disgrace as everyone begins to realize that I don't actually have that potential that they thought I did. I also worry that it will further devastate my diminished amount of personal time, and that I won't be able to give it that constant edge of passion and energy you need for a group like Guerilla Improv. I auditioned Thursday, and I was called back. Callbacks are Monday (today) at 7pm, and whenever I thought about it on Friday I got that hole in the bottom of my stomach as if I was about to go up in a front of an audience of thousands with no speech prepared. I haven't thought about it at all this weekend.

Kilroy is in a very dangerous and unstable position right now. Kilroy lost a lot of seniors last year, and there are maybe 8 or 9 of us now. There are at least 17 or 18 new freshmen if not more. Furthermore, our Producer and Director, though talented and awesome people, are sophomores and have been active in Kilroy for only 2 terms so far. We are an open group, which is to say all are welcome and we don't have auditions. Everyone who wants to join can, and if you submit a script you have as much chance of it getting in the show as everyone else's does. At the end of last B term we began a policy of requiring active members to write scripts for the upcoming show, and though the rule sometimes gets bent, it's effective and beneficial.

However, Kilroy has no established system to deal with the problem of a tremendous influx of interested freshmen. Our Producer has the potential to be a fine leader and decision maker, but is justifiably intimidated by his role in the face of so many new people, and we have very little guidance of experienced people. At the first meeting, Adam Ribaudo, director of GI and unaffiliated with Kilroy, sat next to our Producer and advised him to the extent of controlling the flow of the entire meeting. We had a wildly unstructured idea session which began with standard GI improv games and eventually degenerated into telling semifunny true stories about our lives.

I am the only active person in Kilroy who has been here for over a year. And me only just barely. Bill Lazzaro and Mike Fortier would also meet those qualifications, but they are having their own problems keeping up with their lives and can't commit to Kilroy now. At the second meeting, we attempted to have an idea session for a productive purpose, to decide on a trailer. This too was very unstructured. It began with the idea of splitting into two groups, but past that every piece of structure and nuance of decisions that were made were suggested by me to the Producer and instantly adopted.

The idea had been brought up by the Producer to give freshmen control over voting and the show. To me, this seemed like an extremely risky and dangerous idea, and after some discussion it was decided that that wouldn't happen. Then, at the second meeting, after the idea session and before our closing comments to the new people, I was told by the Producer that he was about to give them that power again, and after a hushed and intense conversation between me and him over the flaws and merits of that plan, it was again decided that the show would be determined this term by only returning members. After the decision was made, he turned around and told everyone. That was how close it was.

In my opinion, an (emergency) meeting should have been called for returning members about the high number of freshmen and how we should deal with it. Everyone, including myself, is excited about how many new people there are, and eager to see the lamers drop out and the stars rise. I won't bother going into my full reasons for not giving them control of the show yet, but one of them is that we'd be doing so before any kind of filtering process, including that of time alone, has been done on the new batch of people. Anyway.

My Electrical Engineering class is run by a maniacal but lovable evil genius who talks degradingly and condescendingly to all of his students, including myself, with such flair and character that I think I'm falling in love. I also believe that if you take away his Russian accent he would be highly reminiscent of Christopher Walken. The fact that he is a cool guy is at least one thing I can be certain of as I move into one of the most highly unstable periods of my life.

  1. Ben Sandofsky

    As the man who started the Ninja craze, and former founding member of Kilroy, and former director of GI-- which together give me the power of the trinity-- I think I'll chime in.

    Kilroy began as "Let's do sketches." Chad/Calvin always had a plan, but their plans were based on their vision, not some steadfast equation. The reason their plans worked is because they committed to it.

    Said before, but I'll repeat: Kilroy is an open group. With that, you get maximum theoretical manpower, maximum potential, but when push comes to shove you can't force the same committment out of an audition based group. That's one of the reasons I decided to create Empty Set as opposed to wrangle Kilroy to my vision. Oh, let me get to that right now...

    The absolute most important thing a director/producer needs is a VISION. It ain't just in college sketch/improv-- in a feature film, you've got a ton of professionals who frame your shots, manage your sound systems, do makeup, etc, and job of director is to tell them how to do their thing. The director provides a vision of their own, and it's the job of the people under the director to fulfill that vision.

    In directing GI, I made sure my vision jived with the group's vision; in ensemble work, you gotta do that. But if someone else's vision doesn't go with what you want to accomplish, you've got to find a way of pleasently telling them to fuck off. I wanted to do difficult scenework, and I wasn't ready to let the group go for gimmicks and (poorly done) toilet humor, and I was going to fight to the death if people in the group tried to cop-out with that.

    There were times the group wasn't thrilled with the b-term musical. Rehearsals went long at times, and progress was sporadic. I made sure it happened, and the group was blown away with the final product-- their final product. Which was unleashed via (drum roll please) the director's vision.

    As Chad pointed out, the director/producer always had final say on what sketches got into the show. I was the guy who came up with the idea for the 1 to 10 rating, and I will forever live down to that. It wasn't until Calvin/Chad graduated that Kilroy suddenly became a very, very diplomatic group.

    Do you know what gets determined by the populace? Pop music. And shitty Freddy Prince Jr. movies. Do you think a director with a strong vision would create "Summer Catch"? Shitty movies, shitty music, shitty politicians are supported by majority.

    To bastardize Mick Napier and The Annoyance philosophy: make a choice at the top, and stick to it. You'll find that all the "bad things" either don't show up, or you don't have enough time to notice them.

  2. Amanda

    Just to put in my two cents.

    I joined Kilroy in 2002 and remained a part of it until I graduated this past spring. I didn't like it much at first because I felt awkward and out of place. It was like joining a very exclusive clique that I was never a part of. I mean, no one was openly rude, but every meeting was filled with private jokes that I never got. Since everyone knew each other, everyone ripped each sketch apart and gave some pretty rude and mean comments about each other's writing abilities. I was terrified to write a sketch for fear of humiliation and ridicule.

    Not to sound too harsh, but Kilroy gave off an aura of being this elite comedy force, but in my opinion produced an equal number of crappy sketches as we did last year when we had a whole set of new people. I think as old members we need to let go and let things happen. If they want to produce a sketch about ninja's and the ratio, go ahead with my blessing. If you can make a few people laugh in the audience then it's worth it because that's what Kilroy is supposed to be about.

  3. Chad

    ha, I love lurking in on these conversations...

    I'd love to put forth a few observations:

    "The main one is that when you begin to speak or enter the room for SHM, people respect you and naturally quiet down to allow you to speak. No one is or has ever been given that kind of respect in Kilroy, and there hasn't been anyone who has gotten frustrated enough to tone down the rowdiness or tendency to veer offtopic more than in the immediate situation ("All right, everyone shut up a second!")."

    I'd argue that under Calvin and I, we had a certain level of productiveness which will probably go unmatched for quite a while. And, I believe that was due largely in part to us always having a PLAN. Even if it didn't get closely followed, we new what we wanted and if we weren't getting it we'd do it ourselves. And I could be a dick sometimes, so we had a healthy blend of fun and non-fun.

    "Well, while it might be one thing to allow brand new people to write scripts, it's an entirely different thing to let them vote on them. Especially when they comprise 2/3 of our organization. They can go through their phase of liking stupid things until they realize what's funny, but it's not cool to bring Kilroy along with it, which is exactly what will happen."

    I don't know if everyone realized this, but under Calvin and I it was clearly stated that Calvin the Director of Kilroy had the FINAL call on any sketch getting into the show, even over me. He not only made the order for the show. This was power was excersized to both remove and add sketches to the show, not a lot, but it was used.

    I could go on for pages and pages. But I just wanted to go back to the idea of having a plan. The Director and Producer of Kilroy have to be in charge, and have a plan. They need to KNOW deep down to their core how they want the group to be and then they need to make it that way. Hopefully the decisions that are made, everyone likes, if not - it'll work itself out in the end. At times, watching and listening to Kilroy, its clear this isn't always the case, and really the people in charge are just trying to imitate how they think saw things being done the previous year (or two years ago, etc).

    "Don't be afraid to seek advice from previous Producers (Hilary, Joey, and Bill are great resources, even Chad if you wish to get in touch with him), and always get the input of people in the group."

    Yeah, feel free to get in touch if you need any advice. I have tried to keep a hands-off approach to the groups I started lately. However, I'm always willing to lend a helping hand when its really needed.


  4. matt mara

    kilroy has always been a clusterfuck.

    it always will be.

    thems the breaks you have with an open group.

  5. Kyle

    I have to admit I was really unsure about the quality of what would be produced for this term, simply because the loss of most experienced members.

    However, after the voting meeting and the final turnout of sketches, I think we are going to be able to put on a decent show. And, I think if we were able to do that with the situation we are now in, it can only possibly get better.

    As far as the new leadership goes, I have to admit that I DO want to be producer or director at some point, and that's why I accepted the nomination. But I also have to admit that I am glad Ryan and Chris got it this time. I still need a bit of time to feel out the weight of my MQP and what not ... besides, C and D Term I have like NO classes, and I think that would be an awesome time for me to really give back to Kilroy and dedicate my entire potential to doing something amazing, which I really want to do.

    As far as the newbies, I really think there is some potential there, and I really think there is some garbage. Though, I think the ones we don't want are getting the jist, if not, I will approach them brazenly and frankly, and then proceed to tell them they are not funny, and should join the Newman Club with Chris K.

    I don't want to make babies, I want to punch them.

  6. Pope

    We are in a fight.

  7. Klondike

    Well, while it might be one thing to allow brand new people to write scripts, it's an entirely different thing to let them vote on them. Especially when they comprise 2/3 of our organization. They can go through their phase of liking stupid things until they realize what's funny, but it's not cool to bring Kilroy along with it, which is exactly what will happen. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem fair to allow people to write scripts yet not vote on them, although that's actually what we did. Ryan sent out an email to the freshmen saying if you want to write one, email it to me and he'll get it up in the voting. But no one did, which is understandable as it was short notice. They'll move through their phases just as much writing and acting and producing as they will by voting, where you learn more about other people and how they talk and how they behave than anything about scripts themselves.

  8. Pope

    I am happy my non-stressful aka useless MIS Major afforded me enough time throughout college to not have the not being in kilroy phase.

    I guess it probably is better to just have them write whatever they want... I guess... I would be the first to admit that as far as what I always stress about writing quality stuff, I don't really think 90% or so of our stuff has ever come close to the professional's stuff, but also that 90% of other college groups don't come close to us as well... At least recently. The Late Night Players a few years ago were amazing. They are professional now. And very jewish. We need more jews asap. And big fat guys.

  9. Bill Lazzaro

    I think a large part of our "newbie" problem is that this rarely happens. We've never had an NSO showing, or really much table sitting at all. The first time they know we exist is at the end of A-term when they are already jaded and concentrating on trying to get into frat parties. Generally we get, 2 or quality additions per term, and 2 or 3 kids who show up to 1 meeting then disappear (Chris K.). This we can handle. They fall in quick.

    I hate to say it, but I fell our limiting the sketch topics might be an entirely fruitless as well as somewhat vein effort. Why should we deny these new kids the same experience we initially endured? Real World WPI. Captain Blue Balls. Bling Bling Scrabble. These all fall under the umbrella of "shit." I'm not saying we do an all commercial parody / beer is delicous show. I am just saying, if that's what is gona make members happy and love being in Kilroy, it's better in the long run than sketches like Postmodern Carride (artsy: who likes this sketch...honestly?). Basically, when it all boils down to it, I feel even our cheap crap human is light years beyond anything else out there at the college level (please don't give me examples proving me wrong).

    As for the issue of producing Kilroy, I agree with what has been said above. The harder you tighten the reigns, the less power you really have. Sleepless nights and constant stressfests will leave you feeling drained 24/7. There is nothing more dissapointing than staying up most of the nights during a week to edit, spending all day scheduling and rehearsing, and then having no one show up for table sitting. I am really excited about the dynamics between the returners this year. You all seem to be really concerned about the future of Kilroy and it's safety. There seems to be a real team feel and I know you guys will do great things.

    Finally, I assure you all, this is not the worste situation Kilroy has ever been in, nor will it be the last quagmire ahead. Anyone recall A and B terms last year? If we could drag ourselves from that slump, I feel we will be able to endure most anything.

    I have tons to say on the topic, but I will end here. Anyone wanna help me paint an office ?

    -Bill Lazzaro Past Producer in the customary "not being in Kilroy" phase

  10. Angela

    Ninjas are NOT funny. They are very serious.

  11. walid

    Woah, a lot of things to remember and take note of here, but I'll do my best and hope I can help.

    Mildo: Regarding your nervousness about GI: don't worry about being nervous! It's perfectly normal, and I would be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way when I got in last year. I had the same doubts and fears as you, but in the end, I knew I loved what GI does and I wanted to do it. A huge part of this goes to Ben's great job as a director to help the newbies (at least I'll speak for myself) develop and learn improv. The important thing is if you can learn improv, because it's not expected that you know how to do it already. As for time commitment, that definitely is a concern. You are going to have to weigh whether you can commit enough time to GI, which is why I couldn't do it the last term of school because I didn't think it would be fair to the group if I didn't give it what it deserves. In any case, I hope you get in because I think you would be fantastic.

    Ryan: You are amazing for taking on the role of Producer, and you wouldn't be normal if you weren't nervous and didn't make a few mistakes along the way. I can tell you that when I was Producer A term last year, I had no idea how to do it or what I was getting into, but I did it because I wanted to learn (also because partly no one else wanted to be Producer that term). It was very tough for me, not only because I realized I made some mistakes, but because having been elected producer 2 weeks into the term, I had 4 weeks to put on a show, and at the time I felt I couldn't put on a full show with such little time so a creatively lacking Best of Show was the direction I went with. I regret this now, because I still think at least a half sized regular show would still have been a better option... But the biggest issue was motivation, which doesn't look like much of a problem for you, since there are a ton of eager people in Kilroy this year; the motivation looks like it's there. Don't be afraid to seek advice from previous Producers (Hilary, Joey, and Bill are great resources, even Chad if you wish to get in touch with him), and always get the input of people in the group. You're the one who makes the final decisions and makes sure they get implemented, but it's a group thinking process. I like what Travis said about his role as an authoritative figure; just remember to be a friend who's trying to do what's best for the group and not a boss, but don't be afraid to use your authority. Don't worry too much, you'll be fine. Looks like you're going to be a great producer.

    As for general advice for Kilroy: Like Pope said about opening the group to new forms of humor. Perhaps set up workshops or comedy watching sessions-not just as a weekend get together, but as an official Kilroy meeting-to have the newbies watch sketches from Monty Python, UCB, Mr. Show, Stella, KITH, etc to expose them, and discuss things like the writing, filming, and directing in those sketches. I think having a lot of people join Kilroy in their freshman year is a great thing if the time is used as a "training" period of sorts, just exposing them to the way things are before they actaully get deeply involved.

    In any case, I wish you both the best of luck in your GI and Kilroy endeavours. I think you'll both shine brilliantly.

  12. Pope

    Yeah Mildo is completely dead on in just about everything he has said about Kilroy's structure and organization. No offense Travis, but in fact the absolute worst meeting we ever had was the one last year where GI and Kilroy and empty set (are they still alive??) met to hammer our constitution stuff. That was so structured and so devoid of us being the loud yammering assholes we all are, that some of us (Fourty, Bill, and Me specifically) were actually incredibly upset and wanted out immediately. Its just the way it is, for the most part we are loud jerks who hate authority or control. We like it when someone takes the reigns to do the dirty work no one else will do, but when they start TELLING us what to do, we hate it. Its just the precarious unicycle juggling act that kilroy is, and its always worked.

    Voting days, for the 7 terms of kilroy in which we have voted on things and that I was around for (damn you semester in Germany!) have ALWAYS been bar none the most dreaded days of the term. People's feelings get hurt. Its like Mildo says, those who dare, and who care more about quality than keeping your friends' feelings unhurt, voice their opinions as to, basically, why sketch A sucks and sketch B sucks a little bit less. I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY that the new people shouldn't be allowed to vote yet. The reason for this in my next paragraph!

    Those comedy snobs of us who have been through the kilroy gauntlet have come to understand comedy as a beast, pretty well. There are many different types. Lots of people have different senses of humor. Our audience has always been VERY gracious to us in terms of letting us get away with stuff thats not quite that funny. BUT. There is the phenomenon Fourty and I have dubbed Freshman Humor. I don't know if its purely a WPI thing or not, but the freshmen that join kilroy always think certain massively overdone things are hilarious. Examples: Ninja's, Scenes set in WPI Dorms, Jokes about the WPI ratio, WPI blah blah blah, etc etc. They are usually things that have been overdone on the internet in retarded flash animations, or things that are only WPI specific, and thus, not really what kilroy as a group has ever wanted to aim so low for. They really don't know better, we were all like them when we were freshmen. Its the job of the older kilroy gents and fems to, in a sense, teach the new people what is funny and not. That sounds wildly arrogant, I know, but I mean it. Once these people are exposed to really smart or innovative sketch comedy (Python, UCB, MR SHOW, State, Kids in the Hall) as opposed to or SNL or Mad TV, they can begin to appreciate how much funnier it is when you have to think a little bit to make a connection to a joke, or how you have to empathize with a character to understand a scene. And when new people join kilroy, they have always had to deal with lots of older people being in their way, and they needed to make a name for themselves by being truly funny, and not pandering to the crowd. This is why preventing them from voting in this show is crucial. I don't want to come to a kilroy show thats all about how bad daka food is, or how few girls there are, or how in that calc class this happened.

    I won't say names, but there were a couple last year that never filtered out of kilroy, ( and weren't even freshmen) and continued to write sketches that were just typical wpi humor. And their sketches got in shows due to lack of enough alternatives. As an effect, I feel our shows last year were brought down by these. Eric knows which I am speaking of I am sure. Everyone can probably figure it out. No Penis Pants, I am not referring to yours.

    SO that said, I have no doubt that kilroy will always strive on, for better or likely worse, in some form or another. Chad (the creator) has always said that. Every year is a crisis but it survives in a slightly different form. If the quality dips now, perhaps when all those freshmen are seniors, they will be writing dozens of comic gems! Who knows.

    Do your best Mildo, us alums are hoping for great work from everyone.

  13. Klondike

    There are a few differences between your experiences and that of Kilroy's. The main one is that when you begin to speak or enter the room for SHM, people respect you and naturally quiet down to allow you to speak. No one is or has ever been given that kind of respect in Kilroy, and there hasn't been anyone who has gotten frustrated enough to tone down the rowdiness or tendency to veer offtopic more than in the immediate situation ("All right, everyone shut up a second!"). I'm not saying people would be upset if someone did, though there might be could possibly be helped. But most people in Kilroy aren't the kind who get much satisfaction out of a well run, productive meeting. Like, it'd be nice, but no one cares enough about it to go out of their way to do it. This is just how it is with us. The atmosphere of your meetings would be as out of place and dissatisfying in our meetings as ours would in yours.

    I definitely believe I lend a ton of support to Ryan, I help in whatever way I can, and I believe he'll be a fine Producer this term. That doesn't mean I'll turn off the part of my mind which evaluates decisions and situations, and by thinking about things that could be done to improve Kilroy this term or different ways of running a meeting, I can suggest them and improve Kilroy and Ryan's experience as Producer.

    "As far as I understand, the way Kilroy works is that whoever writes skits and acts in skits is in creative control." The key word there is "writes skits", which is something the new freshmen haven't had the time to do. Just because we don't hold auditions doesn't mean we can't erect a small barrier, that of a term of active experience, that new people must overcome in order to be given control of the show. Kilroy's policy of an open group in general has always been extremely dangerous and risky in itself, even at its most stable points. There are many people in past and present who simply write mediocre scripts, and don't take the time to refine ideas or be really critical of their own work. The atmosphere Kilroy gives of allowing everyone to feel free and equal and to just "have fun" can be wonderful, but can also have the deadly side effect of taking away the pressure to be really fucking great.

    Whether this is good or bad, the fact is that Kilroy has tended to be managed and controlled by a small to medium portion of the group who have written the better sketches, acted the best in their roles, and most importantly, really cared about the quality of the show enough that they take the daring step of criticizing their friends' work in front of everyone come voting night, and put themselves through enough self-evaluation writing their sketches to make them awesome. These people have generally been voted the director or the producer because people can tell how much they care, consciously or not. The voting meetings have always contained more than a touch of chaos, and our systems have been very loose and flexible. The director and others of this "ruling class" have always taken advantage of this and affected what is in or out of the show more than they should really get away with if they're truly equals. Simply because they take the effort where others don't, and those who don't let themselves get overpowered.

    Because Kilroy does not force you to work to the best of your abilities, it has relied on the people who have this quality in themselves to keep the quality high. Because we don't audition people, we get many people who don't have this quality. Often, many people who lack it fade away because they just don't care enough even to participate. We would be doing Kilroy a tremendous disservice by giving control to people who haven't shown any depth of caring as of yet, because caring about the end product is all that holds Kilroy together.

  14. Travis

    I am also a new director of a performance group on campus, Simple Harmonic Motion (the male a capella group). I think that I can relate to alot of what you're saying, Ryan. I myself have only been a member of the group for a year. I ran my first rehearsal on Sunday, and I was extremely nervous. While I was doing it, though, I realized that I was in control of the situation. People were naturally quietting down to allow me to speak, and when we came back into the room after a short break, they quickly stepped aside to allow me to get to the front of the piano (where the director normally stands). As my business manager (producer for you comedy folks) put it, "[I] didn't necessarily have to exert control, because the title itself granted [me] it"

    After this, I started to realize that I shouldn't be nervous about the way I was running the rehearsal or the decisions I was making. I was in charge, and like in improv, whatever I did was right. This is not to say that I am perfect and without flaw. But given to equally viable courses of action, the correct one is whichever one I pick (always with the input of the group, but ultimately making the decision myself). This realization is extremely empowering and made me feel good about myself and the group.

    More specifically, Rick Richter came and sat in on my first rehearsal. He is not a member of the group. His official capacity was to learn music that we would be singing together. However, I knew secretly that I was counting on him to support me. He did so, in various subtle and direct ways, and I greatly appreciate that support. Overall, I don't think it was an issue that he was there.

    All in all, I think you should lend your complete support to the leaders, Eric, specifically in something as trivial as a college performance group. It will make them more open to your suggestions, and also make the group stronger as new members turn to the veterans for behavioral models, thereby also trusting and supporting the leaders.

    And you shouldn't be scared about losing creative control of the group. As far as I understand, the way Kilroy works is that whoever writes skits and acts in skits is in creative control. If this happens to be a bunch of freshmen, then my advice would be to just go with it.

  15. Klondike

    As for Adam, it's not that you wanted or needed help that was the problem, it was that it was from someone from outside of Kilroy. It's like Kilroy couldn't run itself, not that you wanted some advice, that seemed so degrading. I'd say Bill Lazzaro or myself would have been better choices, and Adam could have just watched as he claimed he intended to.

    I'm really happy that you adopted most of my suggestions immediately, as I think they were beneficial and you could analyze them quickly and determine this and enact it, which is all awesome. It was just that you hadn't decided on much in advance. I'm not overly critical of the way you've been doing your job, I see it as a really tough situation to deal with, and it's not your fault. I still think you were the right person to elect, even over myself...I don't consider myself a natural leader, and when I am in positions like that I feel most confident when someone supports my idea or helps me out. Furthermore, I see this as a great learning experience for Kilroy as it matures and finds itself in new and challenging situations, and figures out how to deal with it in the present and prepare for the future. We'll come out of this term far better than we entered. In the meantime, let's try to hold onto the reins as tightly as we can.

  16. Ryan Sinapius

    Yes I would have to agree that right now kilroy is definitely at a stage of having to prove itself again, losing Pope, Hilary, Fourty, Bill, Walid, and Joey to name a few was a dramatic blow to this group. Because they were the ones who ran everything. On the other hand I see promise in some of freshman that joined the group. But that will all be proven B term when they start writing and stuff. Right now is A term so back to the present and away from the past and future.

    It is definetly true that running your first meeting with so many new people that you don't know, is intimidating. During this meeting I was very much dependent on other people to help me run this. I have never ran an idea session before. I was talking to Adam because of what he is good at doing. Adam being the leader of GI as you stated is good at getting people to put themselves out there and speak. This is needed to do GI. So it made sense to me that in an idea session were people need to lose and relaxed I would ask advice from the person, who in my opinion know most about that. I don't see that as a weakness, as you may or may not, but I see it as me knowing what I can do and were I need help, which is a sign of strength in my opinion. I agree fully that it was too unstructured, that was clearly a failing on my part.

    You state in your journal that you made suggestions to me that I instantly adopted. This is a complete fact. But if someone suggest something that makes sense why would I not adopt it. If you suggested something like lets get naked, I don't think I would adopt that. As a new producer I am extremely open to help and am not worried about people thinking I'm not running stuff well because I need help.

    Your Producer, Ryan Sinapius